Tim Burton trying to pull an okey dokey on the Duke of Hawthorne Theatre

Building a jalopy full of squid with Luther Vandross at the Helm vs. Oh dear chitty-bang-bang, tie my shoes to a case of Polly-o-string cheese and recite all the best of Beverly Cleary.

You walk in with mulch glued to your eyebrows, eating Barry Bonds leftover homerun derby, and DH Lawrence is off to Quebec, trying on silk slips for Madonna Koom Bay Ya My Lord. The question is: How will we ever microwave Steven Seagalls Ferrari Testarosta?

Burt Reynolds in a leopard-print thong, fresh out of Powell’s literature room, wildin’ out with Bukka White at Voodoo Donuts, begging for the Pepto Bismol donut man.

Nolan Ryan herding red ants in the Blue Mountains on Cinco de Mayo, 600 BC vs. when Bob Barker runs and jumps in a crisp pile of autumn leaves, Susan Sarandon eats all the chalk at Utrecht and then neatly orders the boxes to take a hike.

Grilled phonebook on rye with pickles, pastrami, Ford 250 go-go boots, and a pinch of “Eddie Murphy is going down the stairs in a wheelchair!!”

Space Oddity

Turn On, Tune In, Drop Bomb

Gamers Gone to War